North Korean Troops Too Busy Binge-Watching Porn to Bother Fighting

North Korean soldiers, who’ve barely known the true internet thanks to Kim Jong Un’s firewall fortress, have recently found themselves “unleashed” into Russia’s somewhat less restricted webscape.

Since joining the Kremlin’s forces apparently they have become addicted to… what else? Porn.

Technology in Korea is rudimentary. (Photo: The music room in ‘The Grand People’s Study House’ in North Korea, 2020)

Ukrainian and South Korean intelligence had already sounded the alarm on the arrival of 11,000 North Korean troops, images of whom have yet to surface but whose alleged training footage is circulating online. Ukraine’s forces reported a first clash with North Korean soldiers near the Kursk region, with Ukraine’s Defense Minister Rustem Umerov noting that this unexpected presence “opens a new chapter of instability.”

While Russia’s internet is no bastion of freedom, it’s a veritable playground compared to the sanitised, state-controlled ‘Kwangmyong’ network the troops left back home.

The Orwellian Kwangmyong, is restricted to party propaganda, making anything resembling outside media strictly off-limits. Meanwhile Russia’s notorious censoring system, Roskomnadzor, has loopholes—VPNs are still widely used, though Moscow has poured billions into tightening its grip on the digital sphere.

According to Financial Times columnist Gideon Rachman, the troops from Pyongyang have been reportedly “gorging on pornography,” finding themselves unable to resist the newfound illicit digital freedom.

In a darkly ironic twist, they are be facing this “temptation” before heading to actual war zones – make them less effectual fighters. For Putin, the internet might feel like a double-edged sword: he’s gained thousands of extra boots on the ground, but they’re apparently caught between the call of duty—and the X-rated distraction. (We’d laugh if we weren’t crying.)

All forms of online pornography are banned in North Korea.

The U.S. Department of Defense spokesperson Major Charlie Dietz was quick to side-step the specifics of North Korean “internet habits” in Russia. “Our focus remains on supporting Ukraine and addressing significant regional security concerns,” he said, diplomatically keeping the discussion out of NSFW territory.

In North Korea, watching porn isn’t just taboo—it’s a deadly offence. Kim Jong Un has reportedly deployed a special task force with orders to execute anyone caught viewing adult content. His crackdown goes beyond just banning porn; foreign TV shows, certain haircuts, and even the celebration of birthdays have also been outlawed as part of his effort to squash “impure” influences.

According to the Seoul-based Database Centre for North Korean Human Rights (NKDB), testimonies reveal just how severe the consequences can be. One account describes a person being executed simply for watching pornography and hosting paid encounters in his home after Kim came to power. The regime’s strict stance against anything deemed culturally “contaminated” is enforced with ruthless precision.